warped sense of self

by bad ankle sprain

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1.
the brakes 02:13
I tried to push the brakes But we still accelerate Dying in public just being an asshole Dying in public I'm sorry for the mess I've commodified my emotions into an ocean of indecision
2.
salad days 04:14
My mouth immeasurably deep keeps secrets speaks sounds from my throat and whether you understand I'd never know At the bottom we're unstable I see a lot of people I don't know and that seems silly but it's not i know id probably overdose but just for those few happy moments at the beginning I said I didn't want to be scared anymore I almost passed out in convicted killer's apartment words to perform to be sure to lose the meaning my eyes are heavy but my face is beaming so my older brother takes me home and if it wasn't for that I'd never know My face unusually smooth missing the plaques and crevices I once knew and I'd never ask so you'd never know on hot summer days we get the most snow the good old days seem to blow anything more than that and I don't know To not lose something I didn't have Zippers on pockets I thought Love only exists inside lockets When you don't feel it around you Then you would knock it and I'd say it were true And if it wasn't for God I'd never know before the Lord i never knew
3.
I thought about crying for five minutes than I went downstairs and brushed my teeth you see, I like to think about me, it will never be me and I know that shouldn't upset me but I think I'll be upset anyway it feels selfish and it's kind of a bitter pill and no matter how long it takes I'll make you leave I can still catch you in my head and I don't care about the thoughts but I'd do what you wanted I could write a book about feeling inadequate but I don't crave the taste of this bad habit I wanna be better than this cause I know I am better than this so you'd think I'd feel better than this but I don't know why should I think about a kiss that you never even missed and nothing's real if you don't believe it
4.
on my mind 03:35
well I think about her every waking moment but when she opens my mind I am afraid of what she'll find and so I call it my torment when she don't wanna let me in and I dream of her when I am sleeping but the wind blows cold in September there's no clarity to this tune just a funny man in the corner standing under the gloom until the piano on the other side of the room starts sounding like her we go round and round and down under the gloom well I think about her everyday even tho I've been practicing self control I guess you could say she's on a roll in my head whether or not she knows it no words from a poet really seem worthwhile ever in doubt but still in denial I could never begin to describe her smile
5.
aphrodite 02:02
you don't give me satisfaction but that's just fine I don't mind there's no other way I'd like to spend my time quiet, next to you and hang on every word while it grew deeply from a seed something right out of the blue you've got me drinking beer out of coffee cups at two in the afternoon I was consumed by emotion and tried to relay it but I failed
6.
the worst writer insults his audience but fuck you I'm doing my best and the cement you chew will soon get the best of you just like me you'll be just like me then pretending you aren't lost, godless and lonely I'm a fire in a warehouse burning merchandise and goods I'm an expert at burning bridges and being misunderstood I've seen my body and I've seen my soul the worst of which you'll never behold the house trembles as the semi's drive by my house trembles underneath it's disguise Jesus Christ please save me

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released September 9, 2016

Leo Brauning

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bad ankle sprain Lincoln, Nebraska

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